On facebook today, some people were reacting to the news that "The Duggar's" were expecting baby number 20. The reactions that I read were not positive. It got me to wondering why our society views large families in this way.
Even our comparatively small family of seven children brings stares and comments. It is not very often when we are out in public that we don't get asked "Are they all yours?", (Um, yes, do you think we'd bring the neighbor kids along to the store with us? - Or no, we picked a few extras up over in the produce department...) or "Don't you know how that happens?" (Uhhhh no, we haven't figured that one out yet, would you care to explain? I mean really, that isn't a very polite question, and I've been tempted to give a not so polite answer, but so far I've refrained... ;) ) "WOW, you sure have your hands full!!! (Yep, I'm sure glad they aren't empty - and a full heart too) "I'm sure glad they're yours and not mine!" (ME TOO!!!) or some such question or comment. Really, though, even though we do get the occasional mean spirited remark, most of the comments are very nice. I especially love it when an older couple watches us for a while and then comes up and tells us about their many children and how those were the best days of their lives and we should enjoy them! (We do!!)
I personally wouldn't be comfortable having a TV show or having publicity like the Duggars do, and I know that in being out in the view of the public so much they are setting themselves up for criticism, but after reading a couple of the books they've written, I get the feeling that their life is good. Their children are loved, loving, respectful and well behaved. The parents are responsibly taking care of their children. The children are obviously wanted. I really can't understand the unkind words and thoughts towards their family. It may not be everyone's desire to have a house bursting at the seams with children, but it would be nice if they were kinder in their thoughts and words about those who are leaving the decision of how many children to have up to the Lord. That (leaving the decision of how many children to have up to the Lord) isn't something I used to think about at all, but through the years of having children and also of losing some to miscarriage, it is a thought that I have become very comfortable with. (As with many things, I understand that sometimes there are medical or other reasons that this may not be entirely possible.) I really love the verse in Philippians where Paul says "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." That verse is one that I am still working on in so many ways, but it has become very real to me that just leaving things in the Lord's hands is a step of faith that takes away so much indecision, sorrow and stress. (And, really, is it anyone's business how many children the Duggars have, anyway?)
Some of my favorite verses are Psalm 127:3-5 "Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate."
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I had the same thought today when reading about the Duggars. They seem to have a very well adjusted group of respectful and intelligent kids. I don't understand why people are so negative. *Says the lady who wishes she could have had 5 but didn't get the opportunity*.
ReplyDeleteI think you are very fortunate to have your big family and I would trade places in a heartbeat with anyone with a large family!
Christa, I added a few more thoughts to the post. I am sure it would be a lot harder for me to be content if we hadn't been able to have any children or if we had only been able to have one or two. My added thoughts, though, have helped me so much, especially with some miscarriages we've had since our youngest was born.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I think when people see a family like the Duggers, that seem to honestly have it all together, with lovely children...others might just see their own shortcomings. Sadly there are too many families struggling with raising just two kids, that it is easier to thrown the stone(so to speak), at someone that is doing something so contary to what most of the world is doing today. I say if they keep raising the beautiful children they do...keep it up. The world needs more children like that.
ReplyDeleteWell said! I am just about finished reading their most recent book. It gave me a greater respect for them and the choices they have made (not so much to have a large family but to live such a public life!). Christa said what was on my heart - it is hard to hear people being critical when we would love to have a big family but haven't been so blessed. I also hear you about rude people's comments toward us (in front of our children!) when we fostered a sibling group. It made me so much more aware of how I respond to people! Your comment about bringing the neighbor kids to the store made me LOL!)
ReplyDeleteThe thing that has been bugging me is people who assume Michelle has been somehow coerced into this by her husband or her church. She does not look like a downtrodden little woman to me! She seems very happy and healthy and her kids are doing well. Why can't people accept that a woman might want a large family and be happy in that choice? The idea of a functioning marriage and all those well-adjusted kids is probably too much for some people to take!
ReplyDeleteTamara, I'm having a hard time knowing how to put my thoughts into words, but my heart is so sad to hear you've had some miscarriages. Though we chose to have a small family (3), I always have and always will maintain the feeling that a family's size is up to that set of parents and is no one else's business as long as those children are properly cared for. What's so important is the love and care and guidance parents give the children, which you obviously give your children in abundance.
ReplyDeleteWe are not that big of a family, but still are asked if we "know what causes that". My sweet hubby takes great delight in responding "Yes, and we're getting good at it!"
ReplyDeletelove the "anonymous" comment there! and i love seeing you have the faith to leave this as well as other stuff in God's hands! I'm trying to learn that , too..for some reason it seems to be harder as i get older and more opinionated...or more convicted about things!
ReplyDeleteI'm so GLAD I stumbled across your blog! Yay! Your lovely, lovely family is so grown up, wow! Three years really makes a big difference.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you posted your thoughts on your very own blog, I know that I sometimes wonder what I should say about different topics. And while we have a small family and have several reasons why we feel that is best for us, I agree with Ruth that the decision belongs to the parents and no one else. And like others, it makes me want to be more aware of my responses! I've commented on having hands full before, and meant it in light of acknowledging that it isn't always a piece of cake. But when making a comment meant to be supportive, it's best to make sure it actually IS. =)
Again, lovely, lovely family!